From the last time I wrote on my blog through today, a lot of things have happened. I feel my life is similar to the carnival game “Ring the Bell”. Depending on how hard my effort is to maintain the
relationship, the higher the possibility of ringing that bell. But, after so many tries to hit that bell, you become tired and you keep missing.
As of today, it has been a week and a half of trying to make this relationship work. It feels awkward sometimes. I doesn’t feel right. I feel annoyed at the thought of trying harder. Why can’t I just say enough is enough? Why do I wait for you to say it? Why do I hold on to the tid bit that you will one day really mean it? And why do I always feel bad when I agree that it’s supposed to be completely over?
I’m afraid of loneliness. I know I should just let go, but it’s so difficult.