I had not been writing for a long time. I tried actually writing down my thoughts on paper and to be honest, I feel that it leaves too much of a risky trail. What I feel and think and is usually not shared with anyone I know. I don’t think anyone would understand and there’s just so many things that go through my head. I don’t even know if the things I am thinking are normal. I have no one to ask, I really wish I did though. I learned the last couple of months that people are not very trustworthy. I had a roommate for almost a year – coworker who found herself kicked out of her fiancée’s house because he found out that she was texting another guy, so much drama. Anyway, I opened my doors to my house to her. I thought it would be great. I finally had someone to build a friendship with. Then after several months, I learned that all the things I thought were kept under had all surfaced. It sucks because i felt betrayed. But, I’m over it.
On top of everything, I got approved to buy a house. I’m in the process of building it. The finish date is set for June. I have been thinking of all the reasons why this was a wrong decision. I can’t keep myself from thinking that I just tied myself even further. I don’t have the relationship I want. It’s just not what I imagined. I feel hopeless.