The next step isn’t one I want to take

Here I am again finding myself in the same place. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I know that I don’t want to take the plunge. What’s the plunge you ask, closing on a $205k house with someone you know you don’t love anymore. It’s not that I don’t love M at all. I just don’t love M like M wants me to. I am at a friendship love level. I can’t hold myself down to knowing I’m getting into this big compromise when I know that it’s not my happily ever after. I feel like crap knowing I’m signing this and that the only reason is because I want a house. I don’t want to hurt M’s feelings. What would we do? We are so far into the process. It’s only two weeks away before we sign! I almost wish there was some type of reason that would stop this from happening, but at the same time I don’t.

I keep thinking on what and how my life would be if I just let go. Would I be ok? Yes. Would I be sad? Maybe. Would it be the best choice for me? Absolutely.