When does it stop?

Here we go again on the same damn argument. You don’t understand how frustrating you are. You don’t understand that I don’t think like you. You ask for so much in return, but you aren’t giving anything back.

I want to know how its easy for you to just want to pack your bags and leave. I told you I didn’t think it was going to work out. I tried to stop all of this from happening. You didn’t listen, but I guess I am at fault too. I wanted a house so bad. I really wanted everything, but it’s not without getting a bunch of mess in return. I wish I could turn back time and just really walk away.

I can help but think about how my life would be without you. I would be okay. I would struggle financially, but it’s not the end of the world. I would have to figure it out right? I always do. I have to. I want to.

I just don’t know what to do. I’m giving up, but I don’t want to. It’s too much effort to try to make this work.


I Can’t Help It

I’ve been thinking a lot lately. I have been wondering what life would be like if I wouldn’t have asked the question on 5/13/06 or if I would have listened to when you came by the house. I wonder if things would have been better if I would have walked away a long time ago or if this is something waiting to happen even though we just invested in a $200k+ house. Do I really want to be rooted here? Is there something out there for me? 

My relationship with you hasn’t changed since we last discussed what we both wanted. I know it’s not something that changes overnight, but at least some attempt should be made. I feel like I’m just going through life and. It living it. I want to feel protected, loved, cherished, appreciated, and special. I want to be held in strong arms with reassurance that I will be okay and it will never end.